Why Toiletry Marketing Is A Swirling Cesspool Of Bullshit
Last weekend I did something I had never done before: I bought a razor that didn’t in any way resemble a sugared almond. As an experiment. Early findings suggest that, … Continue reading
A-Z of Bad Style: H is for Hosiery
Tights, like jeans and school shoes, are very boring things to spend money on. For most, all three are essential items, and all three must be comfortable to wear. Muffin … Continue reading
Which Bicycle Bastard Are You?
Eight weeks ago I started cycling to work. I made the switch because I had just booked an elaborate West Coast holiday and every bus ride I took meant one … Continue reading
A-Z of Bad Style: G is for G-Strings
A French company called Inderwear has introduced a new style of men’s G-string called a ‘String Side Flash‘, an asymmetrical thong that cups one’s junk so snugly it only needs … Continue reading
The Worst Dates Ever
I love dating. Who doesn’t? There’s something quite exciting about throwing yourself into the pub with an unknown. A first date could be an unprecedented disaster, or the beginning of … Continue reading
A-Z of Bad Style: F is for Faking It
We’re all a little bit fake these days. Make-up, push-up bras, industrial-strength gut-suction knickers. We paint our faces, colour our hair and do all sorts of things in the spirit of … Continue reading
An Epidemic of Mummies’ Boys?
Historically, I’ve always gone for effeminate blokes: tall, skinny types with long eyelashes and perfectly-coiffed hair. The kind of boys that would cause my mother to ask whether I was … Continue reading
A-Z of Bad Style: E is for Exercise
I am going to California this summer and have only 149 days to sculpt my body into something that can hold its own against the super-svelte, ultra-bronzed Cayenne-pepper-and-bollocks-all-else devotees of Long Beach. … Continue reading
Public Transport: Top Tips for Non-Motorists
Since I moved to London I’ve relinquished the luxury of having my own car. It may have been small, naff and only able to hold four people - according to an … Continue reading
Seven Things Men Find Unattractive About Women
There is a website called Realbuzz that you get automatically signed up to when you enter the ballot to run the Virgin London Marathon. Generally, it’s an active community of … Continue reading
Rejoice! The January Health Kick is Finally Over
It’s nearly the end of January, thank fuck, and so far this year I barely recognise myself. My housemates and I, in a collective fit of healthful good intentions, decided … Continue reading
Social Media: the Ultimate Guide for Oversharers, Attention-Seekers & Morons
Facebook pages are like arseholes; everyone’s got one. I use mine for party organising, keeping in touch with far-flung friends and staying abreast of the latest developments in baby animal … Continue reading
A-Z of Bad Style: D is for Designer labels
The other day I saw a guy on the street in a pair of heavily embellished indigo jeans and a baby blue T-shirt with more rhinestones on it than Amy … Continue reading
How Not to Move House
I left home for real a couple of weeks ago, which is why I’ve been a bit of a Slack Alice on the blog front recently. Turns out, moving house … Continue reading
The Spotter’s Guide to Bras
Men have it easy. They only have three different kinds of pants and, unless something is terribly wrong, nothing to fanny around with up top. Aside from having to decide … Continue reading
The Legacy of Sex and the City
I never watched Sex and the City when it first aired, but after years of nagging from friends I’ve finally got on board with the famously well-heeled foursome from NYC. … Continue reading
A-Z of Bad Style: C is for Clubwear
This post comes with disclaimer: I am not really a clubbing person. As a June baby, I was one of the last people in my year to reach that all-important … Continue reading
Booze Boycott
I don’t know if it’s because I’m getting old and boring, but as I’ve grown out of my student lifestyle I’ve become a bit disillusioned with the supposed glamour of … Continue reading
A-Z of Bad Style: B is for Brassieres
Last week my second-favourite bra finally gave in and had to be consigned to the rubbish bin. Isn’t it the most INFURIATING thing when that happens? And obviously really tragic, … Continue reading
Don’t Waste Your Time on Fifty Shades of Grey
After being asked by friends, Twitter followers and the woman in charge of beautifying my twinkle to write something about best-selling clit-lit novel, Fifty Shades of Grey, I have finally … Continue reading
Is Chivalry Dead?
The word ‘chivalry’ comes from the days of medieval knighthood when girls weren’t allowed to do much except embroider things, push out sprogs and peruse ye olde pages of Which Wimple? … Continue reading
A-Z of Bad Style: A is for Applebottoms
…Or any brand of jeans really, but I’d already decided I wanted to talk about something else for J so I had to improvise. We don’t even really have Applebottoms … Continue reading
Shafted by My Little Pony: Why Girls’ Toys Suck and Boys Have All the Fun
Last night I was sitting in front of the telly when an Argos advert came on during the commercial break: “great deals on boys’ toys, like Lego Star Wars, and … Continue reading
The Onesie
Even as a student, I was terribly snobby about hoodies, tracksuit bottoms and any other item that might loosely (and charitably) be classified as ‘loungewear’. I’d look on in revulsion … Continue reading
The Investment Bag
For a very long time I knew I was going to spend my first proper paycheque on a Mulberry handbag. Sod the student overdraft; once I found someone daft enough … Continue reading
Cosmo Rage
As a snobby English graduate, I always thought of women’s magazines as a bit of a guilty pleasure. Trashy as hell, of course, but strangely compelling. Against all reason, the … Continue reading
The World’s Worst Sunburn
Two days into my holiday I let myself get myself get hideously, horribly burnt. I didn’t even realise it was happening; I was laboriously applying sun screen every 45 minutes … Continue reading
Thrills & Pills: A Guide to the GUM Clinic
I can’t even begin to comprehend the rapture of the female population when the Pill first became properly available back in the 1960s. Imagine! With just one tiny pill came … Continue reading
Flying Tips for the Truly Clueless
Flying sucks, especially long-haul. I appreciate it’s an inescapable part of going away, but it’s just so hideously sweaty, boring an uncomfortable. There are, however, a few things that make … Continue reading
Muff Maintenance
On Saturday morning I went for my first ever professional bikini wax. As a busy girl with a rooted objective to paying good money to be effectively tortured, I’m never … Continue reading
Glowy Holiday Skin For Dummies
NINE DAYS TO GO. I am so excited that every time I think about it in any depth I have to take care not to fall over and/or shit myself. … Continue reading
The Unattainable Lives of Celebrities
I’m not really the kind of person to follow celebrities. There are some famous people whose lives I’m interested in because I admire them as artists or actors, but overall … Continue reading
Don’t Trash the Gash
It has come to my attention that there are people out there who are genuinely concerned about the state of their minge. Like, actually. Not in a Daily Mail ’My vagina ruined … Continue reading
The Bikini Body
This time in exactly one month I will be on holiday for two glorious weeks in the hot, Floridian sun. It may not be sophisticated or particularly grown-up, but the … Continue reading
A Yellow Belt
I don’t want to sound like a massive fanny, but I’ve been feeling very ‘drawn’ to the colour yellow recently. Admittedly not so much since the incessant downpour began a … Continue reading
Why Ann Summers is Ruining Sexiness for Everyone
The Ann Summers store at home in Milton Keynes has recently relocated to new premises behind the Yoo Moo frozen yoghurt stand. Normally I don’t really clock store windows, but … Continue reading
Seven Reasons to Love Your Micro Boobs
The last few years have given spectacular rise to TV programmes, magazine inches and other media space all discussing the apparently inexhaustible topic of whether curvy girls are hotter/healthier/better in … Continue reading
Beauty Notes: Cosmetic Catastrophes (& How To Avoid Them)
The chances are if you’ve ever worn make-up, you’ve probably made a hideous gaffe at some point. You probably didn’t even notice, leaving everyone in the vicinity in moral dilemma … Continue reading
Folding Shoes Are A Fucking Godsend
If some sort of wormhole opened up in front of me right now and I could throw just three things back in time to Past Me when I was university, … Continue reading
How To Return Cosmetics (& Get Your Money Back)
Bitchin’: it’s practically a national pastime. The British are the undisputed world champions at moaning, complaining, grousing, griping and bellyaching. Centuries ago, we used to channel all this discontent into … Continue reading
Pharmacy Beauty Notes
I’m loathe to use the word ‘haul’ to describe something as decidedly unglamorous as a binge in the healthcare section of Boots, but in fact amongst all the painkillers and … Continue reading
Make-Up Bag Maintenance
Today I had the most horrific, traumatising experience through which I a) nearly lost my make-up bag, b) made an absolute prat of myself in public and c) made an … Continue reading
How to Get a Job at Benefit Cosmetics
Updated: 29/08/12 Just after I finished university I worked at a Benefit counter at my local Boots. Lots of the girls who came to have their make-up done would ask … Continue reading
