Incurably Curious

Seven Reasons to Love Your Micro Boobs

Icon14-Small BoobsThe last few years have given spectacular rise to TV programmes, magazine inches and other media space all discussing the apparently inexhaustible topic of whether curvy girls are hotter/healthier/better in bed than skinny girls. As though everyone is either one or the other. The debate is never going to come to a solid conclusion because nobody can agree on a ‘perfect’ body type. Given the choice, some people might opt for a voluptuous Valkyrie figure while others would plump for an athletic Amazonian body type. It’s just personal preference, and it really doesn’t matter, so long as everyone keeps their weight in a place that doesn’t endanger their health and is at least least mostly happy with what they see in the mirror every day.

What does amaze me in the Great Weight Debate is how casually people will brazenly slag off other people’s body types. I’m not talking about fat, which can be altered with a change in diet and lifestyle, but the actual way that people are built; stuff that can’t be changed. And in particular I’m talking about boobs. Over the last seven years I’ve had clothes every size between a 6 and a 14. That’s a pretty wide spectrum, but did my breasts get significantly bigger when I was at my largest? Did they fuck. My boobs have fluctuated maybe a cup size since I was fifteen, and now I’m 22 I’ve just had to accept that God, Mother Nature or whoever is in charge of dishing out the racks really wants me to always err on the small side. And that’s fine, there is absolutely nothing wrong with it. But I thought there was for a long time, because everyone from Cosmopolitan to Gok Wan was telling me that you can’t really be feminine without a cracking set of ‘bangers’ flopping off your chest. Well-endowed friends would talk about how glad they were their figures didn’t resemble that of a twelve year-old boy. The phrase ‘real women’ was bandied around. When we went shopping, they’d pile into Bravissimo while I went to look at the make-up in Boots and play my tiny violin, knowing full well the busty store assistants would cast one expert eye over my B cups and declare that there was nothing they could do for me. (Of course, they’re not like that at all; last year I actually went in and said something on the lines of ‘Hello. I know you only do size D upwards and you have literally NOTHING that will fit me, but seeing as it’s Tuesday afternoon and you’re quiet would you mind measuring me? I don’t trust those amateurs at La Senza. Thanks.’ And they were lovely.)

bravissimo

But less of that, I have seen the light! And if you’re like me and not lugging around a gargantuan pair of funbags everywhere you go, you should learn to love whatever you’ve got too. Why do you want massive breasts anyway? They are there for one reason and one reason only: feeding sprogs. Admittedly most men are strangely attracted to them, but they certainly can’t be trusted. Boobs are essentially just udders.

1. The Perv Factor
My friend Carla has an absolutely cracking set of tits. Not only are they pretty big, but they are also best friends. They like to cuddle each other all the time. However, although they are magnificent, she has also been on the receiving end of some pretty ungentlemanly behaviour. I don’t know about you, but being addressed as ‘Tits McGee’ by a stranger is not high on my bucket list.

2. Going Strapless/Backless
Having smaller boobs means not ever having to suffer an underwear malfunction. While my breasty peers struggle into complicated three-way bras or just avoid backless dresses like the plague, we lesser-titted folk can go wild and free with no fear of rogue nipples making an unscheduled appearance.

3. Easier Dressing
Like Carla, my friend Rosie is the proud owner of a rack big enough, they say, to park yer bike in. Going out with her is a lot like going to a fly party with a great big steaming turd on legs. But she’s told me she’s pretty restricted in what she can wear. Whereas I can fling on, say, a white vest top and not have to worry about possible fall-out, she has to layer up. Exactly the same style of top on her looks…indecent. Me? I couldn’t look vulgar if I tried.

4. The Barganz
Carla once told me she spent £50 on a swimming costume because it was the only one that would contain her epic breasts and keep them from bursting out like a pair of colossal ping-pong balls in geyser country. After all, nobody wants to be smacked in the face with their own tits when they’re trying to perfect their butterfly stroke. But…fifty quid. FIFTY QUID. I had bought three stringy Quiksilver bikinis in the ASOS Outlet for that much. I was so appalled I had to go and lie down in a darkened room for awhile. £50 could buy you twenty double Archers and lemonades at the Union bar on an ‘expensive’ night, so you can understand why I was so upset. I couldn’t believe it. I don’t think Carla could believe it either. She looked queasy for days.

5. Pain-free Exercise 
I wear a sports bra when I do cardio because, well, everyone should. It’s not good for that tissue to be jiggling around like billy-o while you work out. (For the record, I have exactly the same one that Mulan got when she ran off pretending to be a bloke to join the Chinese army in 400AD. It straps ‘em down like nothing else, I’ve practically got a concave situation going on. It’s from Nike FYI.) However, if I don’t wear one occasionally it isn’t the end of the world. It doesn’t hurt me, but my bigger friends tell me they can barely run up the stairs without feeling the strain.

6. Minimal Saggage
You know what happens when I jump up and down with no clothes on? Absolutely fuck all. When I remove my bra they barely move a half inch, which means while I may not have ever had the pleasure of allowing somebody to motorboat me, I am a stretch-mark free zone. Lesser-breasted creatures are less likely to get much sagging too; gravity pays less attention to smaller masses, you see. THAT’S SCIENCE. They may be having a great time now, but all those buxom mates of yours will be playing keepy-uppy with their tits by the time they’re fifty.

7. Fewer Health Problems
Finally, it’s sad but true, but having larger breasts does mean you’re more likely to suffer from back and neck problems. If you can’t get on board with any of the other benefits, at least be thankful you’re not going to be shelling out for a chiropractor because of your waps.

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35 comments on “Seven Reasons to Love Your Micro Boobs

  1. A&B
    April 4, 2012

    Love this post! Thanks for the affirmations and I’m glad to see others are proud of their smalls too!

    • Jodi
      July 28, 2014

      Me too!!

  2. daisychain
    April 4, 2012

    AMEN to this post.

  3. jemimaandted
    April 4, 2012

    awesome article!

  4. You said it lady! My larger breatsed friend although mocks me for my smaller chest, she does add she is jealous as her boobs have “never met”! Besides more than a handful is a waste ;)
    xxx

  5. annie
    April 4, 2012

    Such a good post! xx

  6. e1aine
    April 4, 2012

    At last, recognition for the indignity of being bigger breasted! I don’t think that there is an ideal size, but frankly 36GG is not ‘normal’. People feel that they can comment freely on your ‘assets’, you would not believe the comments – and the neck pain.

    I tried to explain to friends just the other day that I don’t wear bikinis because in the past my figure looked like Jordan’s (I’m fatter now) and everyone laughed and made fun of my ‘problem’. But I don’t look like Jordan in a good way, just the boobs. In a bikini, ‘vulgar’ was the word I was looking for but couldn’t find. Like two big balloons with a strip of bandage across.

    Make the most of your smaller boobs. I have to lug these around and they didn’t even work as udders and both my children had to be bottle fed. What a waste of time.

    • CuriousEmily
      April 4, 2012

      Hi Elaine,

      Thank you for your comment – I’m so sorry about your predicament, it sounds like a right pain in the arse (/tits). I can imagine the (mostly unwanted) attention you’re probably on the receiving end of, even from people who might be trying to pay you a compliment. There are still some good things though about having an impressive set of breasts though so I hope it’s not all bad..! x

  7. e1aine
    April 4, 2012

    … And I’m not convinced they are attractive at all. I think men find them scary (- or maybe that’s just me).

  8. Josie
    April 4, 2012

    I loved this post! I’m barely an A it’s ridiculous but I’ve never been too bothered, although other people love to take the piss. But whatever your size, it shouldn’t define you! There’s so much more to a girl than their bra size, if any other girls or boys have a problem with it then it’s their sad little problem not yours. xxx

    • CuriousEmily
      April 4, 2012

      This is so true! I wish you could consolidate this into less than 140 characters so I could RT it. ;) x

    • Jodi
      July 28, 2014

      Hello..that is the best thing I hve heard!!. Thank you for sharing that.
      Jodi

  9. Medicinal Materialism
    April 4, 2012

    Ha Ha, I laughed my socks off reading your post. X

  10. Emma Loeskow
    April 4, 2012

    Heehee this was a fantastic read! Where were you just 2 years ago?? I had A cups right up until I turned 19 and BAM I suddenly had large
    Cs. I was extremely happy when it happened and I’m still grateful for them but boy do they get in the way lol and yes they are damn expensive sometimes! I wish I had of appreciated my As when I had them but I guess we all learn to appreciate what we’ve got! :-)

    • CuriousEmily
      April 4, 2012

      I was a bigger band size when I was younger but now I’m a 32B/30C. I think large Cs are the optimal size; boobiness but manageable. Congratulations on your fab waps. :) x

  11. Sophie - Country Girl
    April 4, 2012

    I am a small-of-bust lady and found myself nodding along to this. I’m still a way from accepting this but hey ho.

  12. Krysten
    April 4, 2012

    Hence all the reasons I’ve always hated being a busty girl. I actually got a reduction when I was 19 but due to weight gain my chest is still very large… and I hate it. It makes me so mad when women make their chests bigger because bigger is NOT better!

  13. scarlettariel
    April 4, 2012

    I’m pretty short and would love a smaller bust!

    Pretty inexpensive bras? Strapless? Being able to run without arms up?
    LUCKY.
    Yes please trade!

  14. Miss drifted Snow White
    April 5, 2012

    brilliant post. well written and actually very very true! :)

    • Jodi
      July 28, 2014

      Agree!!

  15. diamondsanddaggers
    April 5, 2012

    Finally!!! Someone who gets it! Thanks for this great post.

    I’ve been every cup size under the sun. When I was a teenager I was always a B cup and would complain endlessly for bigger breasts. I got to 17 and everything changed. I went from a B to a D in a matter of weeks (Thanks, contraceptive pill!) and despite not being on it anymore they haven’t stopped growing. I’m now an F but I’ve been a G/H at my largest and I can’t remember the last time I was able just to lie on my front, let alone do all those fancy pantsy things like walk up the stairs without them hurting. Fastest way to kill me? Make me do star jumps.

    Big boobs are out and big brains are in. Get with the programme kids!

    • CuriousEmily
      April 5, 2012

      B to D in weeks! That sounds like a nightmare…and a very expensive one at that. Hopefully they won’t go up any more, it sounds so inconvenient! x

  16. seonaidbee
    April 5, 2012

    I love this post – it’s like you read my mind! For years I was embarrassed of my small boobs, surrounded by best friends who were very blessed in the chest department. I am so tired of being called ‘boyish’ or ‘straight up and down’ – I can make fun of myself, but magazines etc. would have everyone with small tits believe they’re not feminine or ‘real women’. I don’t understand why we can’t celebrate curves without demeaning non curvy women and vice versa!
    S xx

    • CuriousEmily
      April 5, 2012

      Totally agree! I always think, there are people out there who have had mastectomies and our entrenched media scrutiny on breasts must make a horrible situation even more difficult. x

    • Jodi
      July 28, 2014

      I hear you. I’m like you small chested. We should be able to love your boobs too.

  17. Aimee Bradley
    April 5, 2012

    i am totally jealous, i am 28 and i remember being a b cup i am now staying around a DD after coming down from a F, i hate having big boobs, they are now after weight loss and gain not quite as pert as i would like and quite frankly if i had the pennys to spair would be whipped off in an instant!

    great post and great blog hun :D was a complete pleasure to read

    http://www.dream1ncolour.com

  18. Meg
    April 15, 2012

    Being one of the larger breasted side I can honestly say I would love to have smaller ones! Call me old fashioned but I like it when guys talk to my face, not my chest.

    • Jodi
      July 28, 2014

      Amen I hear that. I’m small chested. I don’t know how women feel wen men talk to their boobs.

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  20. Pippa
    January 12, 2014

    Such a great article. I’m a 34A and it’s taken quite some time to grow to love my boobs. I love spending time choosing and buying proper grown up lingerie instead of teen bras-recently found avariella.co.uk some very special lingerie there and all in small sizes.

    Love Pippa

    • CuriousEmily
      January 13, 2014

      Yes, small but perfectly formed is the way to go! I’ve just checked out that site – they have some really beautiful pieces! Sadly I’m flat broke this month so the prices were a bit eye-watering.

  21. LT
    February 14, 2014

    I adore smaller natural breasted women, so much classier and confident of women to stay that way than copy the uneducated that want big fake breast implants nowadays. Long live small boobs!

    • Jodi
      July 28, 2014

      Hey thank you. Need to hear more people like you.

  22. Jodi
    July 28, 2014

    I really love this site. I am to small chested no bra needed here. My mom tells me I have a runway model body..I should be damn happy about that. There are times I’m saddened that I do. I want to still rock my gems. Thank you again.
    Hope to continue to hear positive stories from women who have small breasts and love them.

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This entry was posted on April 3, 2012 by in Dating & Sex, Fashion & Style, Feminism, Good Advice, Lifestyle, Uncategorized and tagged , .

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