Incurably Curious

Author Archives: CuriousEmily

Twelve Reasons to Hate Valentine’s Day

There’s no doubt about it, Valentine’s Day sucks. I mean, look at Cupid; he’s a military-trained, flying infant. And if your idea of romance includes a) babies or b) medieval … Continue reading

February 12, 2015 · 9 Comments

An Unscheduled Trip to Saudi Arabia

I stared out of the window as the plane landed. Pinpricks of light were just visible snaking across the desert, each pair a car driven almost certainly by someone in possession … Continue reading

January 19, 2015 · 7 Comments

J is for Jeans

A few years ago, when I was at university, Flo Rida had a colossal hit with a song called Low, which was hugely popular in student bars because slo-mo slut-dropping was … Continue reading

July 30, 2014 · 9 Comments

Mid-Twenties are the New Dread Portal

I was twenty-five on Friday and already I am having a bad time. I can no longer get away with saying I’m in my early twenties. They no longer give … Continue reading

July 1, 2014 · 22 Comments

Mediocrity is Inspirational

You know what’s inspiring? Mediocrity. Second-raters. People who, not to put too fine a point on it, just Aren’t Very Good. Nothing lights a fire under my arse than the … Continue reading

June 6, 2014 · 9 Comments

Nine Productivity Tips for Incurably Lazy People

I am horribly lazy. It would probably be my worst trait, if I could be bothered to list them all. Sure, I enjoy the feeling of accomplishment, the knowledge of … Continue reading

April 20, 2014 · 23 Comments

Letters of Complaint

People react to boredom in different ways. Personally, I like to write outrageous letters of complaint pretending to be a pompous, embittered, old man named Derek Haselhurst-Horton. It began when … Continue reading

April 9, 2014 · 32 Comments

Dating Etiquette: Who Pays for Dinner?

I feel sorry for straight men sometimes, the ones on dates. Nowadays it must be hard to know exactly what you’re supposed to do when the bill arrives. Not long … Continue reading

March 17, 2014 · 19 Comments

How To Throw Away All Your Crap & Feel Brilliant About It

Every time I visit my parents, I have a massive row with my mother about the hoard of Disney videos gathering dust in my old room. She keeps them in … Continue reading

March 11, 2014 · 35 Comments

Warding Off the Marketing Vampires

It’s March, the weather is still shit and I want to go on holiday. Unfortunately, I can’t afford it, so I’m on a frugality drive. Easier said than done though, … Continue reading

March 3, 2014 · 14 Comments

On Awful, Paralysing & Totally Irrational Self-Doubt

I left university in 2010, probably the very worst time to be fresh out of education with zero experience. Every day brought more gloomy news: that graduate employment was at … Continue reading

February 17, 2014 · 156 Comments

The Ones That Got Away

Bollocks to fate; anyone with half a brain knows that everything – including matters of the heart and associated organs – comes down to luck. Sometimes things work out for … Continue reading

February 12, 2014 · 26 Comments

Let’s Talk Breakup Strategy

My good friend El has one piece of advice she always gives to the recently lovelorn: dead-leg ’em. As in, cut them off, like a dead leg. “I’m keeping him … Continue reading

February 6, 2014 · 25 Comments

Show This To My Kids

To us, our parents were never young. Fuck, they barely existed before they found their true purpose in life (i.e. giving birth to us). Occasionally a relic from the past … Continue reading

January 27, 2014 · 11 Comments

Dryish January

So it’s January, and everyone is full to bursting with unrealistically good intentions. Or at least they are once they’ve expelled the vast quantities of Christmas grub and made room. … Continue reading

January 17, 2014 · 17 Comments

Should You Follow Your Dream?

I went on a date recently with a guy whose opening line was, ‘so, you work in advertising? Do you even have a soul?’ I know, right. What a charmer. … Continue reading

January 12, 2014 · 53 Comments

Festive Weirdness

Christmas Eve 5:15pm: Arrive home to find house disguised as Christmas grotto. Wreaths everywhere, and there is a glittery reindeer in the fireplace tangled in fairy lights. “What’s that for?” I ask … Continue reading

December 30, 2013 · 6 Comments

Dieting Ruins Lives

I have never been fat. I’ve definitely been a bit on the heavy side, especially in my first two years of university, but never the kind of person who gets … Continue reading

December 3, 2013 · 17 Comments

The Utterly Ingenious, Completely Foolproof & Totally Infallible Gift Guide

The best presents are either: 1. Things you would never think to buy for yourself but, once you have them, cannot imagine life without; 2. Experiences that are great fun … Continue reading

November 24, 2013 · 6 Comments

The Glad Game: Girl Edition

If you had had the choice between being born a boy or a girl, which would you have chosen? I’ve always said anyone would be mad to pick the fairer … Continue reading

November 19, 2013 · 12 Comments

Hollywood is a Crazy Dump

“Stay safe, girls, stay safe,” said…well, pretty much fucking everyone, to be honest, when we told them we were headed to Los Angeles after Las Vegas. It’s funny, but being lectured about … Continue reading

November 11, 2013 · 18 Comments

My Mother Is A Witch

When my sister and I were small, my father was almost always the designated storyteller. He was essentially the book-reading equivalent of John Lewis: accommodating, dependable and customer-focused. He knew … Continue reading

October 30, 2013 · 6 Comments

Oh Shopping, What Happened? You Used To Be Fun.

Do you remember when you first discovered shopping was a legit pastime? The freedom! The choice! The thrill of handing over your hard-begged cash for something you had chosen yourself! … Continue reading

October 22, 2013 · 19 Comments

Why I Couldn’t Be Friends With Me

I am very annoying. Like, the most annoying person I know. Maddeningly, infuriatingly, insufferably irritating. It’s lucky I don’t have an identical twin, because nine months in a confined space … Continue reading

September 30, 2013 · 7 Comments

Sorry, I’m Too Busy & Awesome to Join the Pity Parade

I know I’m late to the party here because Bridget Jones was bitching about it years and years ago, but why in the world do people – perfectly normal, polite … Continue reading

September 23, 2013 · 14 Comments

Vomit & Va-Va-Voom in Las Vegas

Everything you’ve heard about Las Vegas is true. Stuck in the middle of the Nevada desert, an overgrown relic from Roosevelt’s New Deal, the city is a neon-lit, air-conditioned oasis; … Continue reading

September 9, 2013 · 13 Comments

The Worst Jobs I’ve Ever Had

The first job I ever had was a paper round when I was fourteen. It paid £16.38 a week, and the man who hired me said the girl in the … Continue reading

August 7, 2013 · 14 Comments

I Am Summer Scrooge

I hate summer. Or rather, I hate this foul, oppressive heat we’ve been having lately. My make-up evaporates in less than an hour, I haven’t worn nice shoes in over … Continue reading

July 19, 2013 · 14 Comments

University Students Are Sex Maniacs

I went to my parents’ house last weekend to celebrate the anniversary of my being plucked from my mother’s womb, three weeks overcooked and half-way through taking a massive mid-natal … Continue reading

July 4, 2013 · 3 Comments

Why I Suck At Sports

Over the years I have tried dozens of sports and hobbies, many of which have ended in some sort of disaster that put me off persevering forever. Those that I … Continue reading

June 21, 2013 · 3 Comments

Why Toiletry Marketing Is A Swirling Cesspool Of Bullshit

Last weekend I did something I had never done before: I bought a razor that didn’t in any way resemble a sugared almond. As an experiment. Early findings suggest that, … Continue reading

June 11, 2013 · 8 Comments

H is for Hosiery

Tights, like jeans and school shoes, are very boring things to spend money on. For most, all three are essential items, and all three must be comfortable to wear. Muffin … Continue reading

May 22, 2013 · 6 Comments

Which Bicycle Bastard Are You?

Eight weeks ago I started cycling to work. I made the switch because I had just booked an elaborate West Coast holiday and every bus ride I took meant one … Continue reading

May 15, 2013 · 11 Comments

G is for G-Strings

A French company called Inderwear has introduced a new style of men’s G-string called a ‘String Side Flash‘, an asymmetrical thong that cups one’s junk so snugly it only needs … Continue reading

May 3, 2013

The Worst Dates Ever

I love dating. Who doesn’t? There’s something quite exciting about throwing yourself into the pub with an unknown. A first date could be an unprecedented disaster, or the beginning of … Continue reading

April 26, 2013 · 10 Comments

F is for Faking It

We’re all a little bit fake these days. Make-up, push-up bras, industrial-strength gut-suction knickers. We paint our faces, colour our hair and do all sorts of things in the spirit of … Continue reading

April 14, 2013 · 8 Comments

Nancy Boys Are Everywhere

Historically, I’ve always gone for effeminate blokes: tall, skinny types with long eyelashes and perfectly-coiffed hair. The kind of boys that would cause my mother to ask whether I was … Continue reading

April 7, 2013 · 8 Comments

E is for Exercise

I am going to California this summer and have only 149 days to sculpt my body into something that can hold its own against the super-svelte, ultra-bronzed Cayenne-pepper-and-bollocks-all-else devotees of Long Beach. … Continue reading

March 28, 2013 · 6 Comments

Public Transport: Top Tips for Non-Motorists

Since I moved to London I’ve relinquished the luxury of having my own car. It may have been small, naff and only able to hold four people, but it was … Continue reading

February 26, 2013 · 4 Comments

Seven Things Men Find Unattractive About Women

There is a website called Realbuzz that you get automatically signed up to when you enter the ballot to run the Virgin London Marathon. Generally, it’s an active community of … Continue reading

February 7, 2013 · 23 Comments

Rejoice! The January Health Kick is Finally Over

It’s nearly the end of January, thank fuck, and so far this year I barely recognise myself. My housemates and I, in a collective fit of healthful good intentions, decided … Continue reading

January 31, 2013 · 8 Comments

Social Media: the Ultimate Guide for Oversharers, Attention-Seekers & Morons

Facebook pages are like arseholes; everyone’s got one. I use mine for party organising, keeping in touch with far-flung friends and staying abreast of the latest developments in baby animal … Continue reading

October 22, 2012 · 11 Comments

D is for Designer labels

The other day I saw a guy on the street in a pair of heavily embellished indigo jeans and a baby blue T-shirt with more rhinestones on it than Amy … Continue reading

October 3, 2012 · Leave a comment

How Not to Move House

I left home for real a couple of weeks ago, which is why I’ve been a bit of a Slack Alice on the blog front recently. Turns out, moving house … Continue reading

September 27, 2012 · 14 Comments

The Spotter’s Guide to Bras

Men have it easy. They only have three different kinds of pants and, unless something is terribly wrong, nothing to fanny around with up top. Aside from having to decide … Continue reading

September 19, 2012 · 9 Comments

The Legacy of Sex and the City

I never watched Sex and the City when it first aired, but after years of nagging from friends I’ve finally got on board with the famously well-heeled foursome from NYC. … Continue reading

September 7, 2012 · 5 Comments

C is for Clubwear

This post comes with disclaimer: I am not really a clubbing person. As a June baby, I was one of the last people in my year to reach that all-important … Continue reading

August 31, 2012 · 8 Comments

Booze Boycott

I don’t know if it’s because I’m getting old and boring, but as I’ve grown out of my student lifestyle I’ve become a bit disillusioned with the supposed glamour of … Continue reading

August 27, 2012 · 10 Comments

B is for Brassieres

Last week my second-favourite bra finally gave in and had to be consigned to the rubbish bin. Isn’t it the most INFURIATING thing when that happens? And obviously really tragic, … Continue reading

August 19, 2012 · 4 Comments

Don’t Waste Your Time on Fifty Shades of Grey

After being asked by friends, Twitter followers and the woman in charge of beautifying my twinkle to write something about best-selling clit-lit novel, Fifty Shades of Grey, I have finally … Continue reading

August 16, 2012 · 29 Comments


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